THE CRASH.
This was the bike I built in early 2023. A Salsa Warbird that I ued as a gravel bike, a road bike and a bikepacking bike. (Complete gallery here). I considered it near perfect. I thought that I would keep it for the rest of my life. Wich was nearly the case, but a bit sooner than expected.
One night, as I was heading back home with it after a weekly group ride, BOOM! In the blink of an eye, I was like unplugged from life. Like a power cord that has been accidentally unplugged.
According to the police, I crossed a junction at full speed, without checking for oncoming traffic, when I should have stopped to let a car go by. I was struck by it and ejected from the bike. I was apparently the one at fault, which I find strange, as reckless riding wasn’t my style at all. But as I don’t remember anything from this, all I can say is “ok”, shrug my shoulders and deal with it. There are CCTV videos showing how things happened, but I wasn’t allowed to watch them.
I had a head trauma, a few broken bones, and stayed in a coma for over three weeks. I compare this time to something like a television, it’s either on or off, no in-between... During three weeks, I was shut off, like disconnected from life. No dreams, no memories, no feelings... Total emptiness. Until the power button has been pushed again.
The hardest thing to explain or describe is that feeling of emptiness, and the lack of self-awareness. Something you only realize once you regain consciousness, if you're lucky enough for that to happen. I know that if I had died, I wouldn't even have been aware of it, wich is a very strange feeling that really can’t be described if not experienced. One second you’re here, the next one you’re gone, whithout even knowing it. I feel like with this accident, I've learned what it's like to be dead. And I mean it.
I’m really wondering what was going through my mind at that moment (apart from the car)... Did I or did I not see it coming (even too late to react)? Why didn’t I stop? Did I lose consciousness on impact, or minutes later while I was having a bad time lying on the ground? Did I feel pain? Many questions that will never be answered. But now it’s done and there’s nothing I can do about it, the answers doesn't matter anyway. It happened, and I'm still here, standing and sane, and that's all that counts.
Almost everything on the bike was smashed to bits. The frame, the front wheel, my helmet was entirely cracked, the groupset had to be repaired... Even the stem cap and the fork expander were destroyed, which I find quite impressive. When I went to collect the remains which had been stored, the front and rear parts of the bike were only held together by the rear brake line…
The medical staff told me multiple times in the first few days after waking up that without a helmet, I would have died for sure, given the damage I suffered despite wearing one...
POST-CRASH THOUGHTS.
When I woke up at the hospital and started to understand the situation, I first assumed that it happened with my Parallax, because it is brakeless, and I remembered that. I thought that maybe I didn’t manage to brake in time. Also, in my mind, the Parallax was my only bike, I didn’t remember the few others. When I picture myself on a bike, this is the one I see myself on.
I was very surprised to learn that it happened with the Salsa… My only “normal” bike, the only one with brakes…
I was even more surprised to learn that I was apparently the one at fault, by crossing a junction without paying attention. I still can’t understand how it happened... Being the helpless victim of an accident is one thing, but being the one responsible for it is quite another.
I even thought for a moment that it might have been a suicide attempt... I had a lot of time to think about it, and it definitely wasn’t one.
Luckily, I somehow wasn’t as badly damaged as the bike was. I’m still in one piece, and although I’ve partially lost the use of an eye, and have a few problems here and there, I can still walk, think and talk. I could be sitting in a wheelchair or laying in a wooden box… It could have been worse.
In the first few days at the hospital, I really felt like I was born a second time. I even had to learn how to walk again, something that isn’t supposed to happen in someone’s lifetime...
I even made a slip of the tongue on several occasions, when I wanted to talk about the coma period, by saying “when I was dead”... Which says a lot about how I experienced it.
FAQ:
Date of crash: October 10 2023.
Where: In the center of Paris.
Physical damage right after the crash: I’ve suffered a severe head trauma, stayed in a coma for over three weeks. When I was still unconscious, I had tubes everywhere, to feed me, to help me breathing, and even some going through my skull into my brain...
The driver: I was told that the driver of the car stopped after the accident and was taken into custody until he was cleared by the authorities. I've never been in contact with him.
Consequences: It took me several months to be able to return home and live on my own again, in May 2024. I still have a lot of difficulties to speak properly due to neurological troubles, a few balance problems, and my right eye is partially unusable: I have diplopia, meaning that one of my eyes is no longer aligned with the other, resulting in double vision. So I have to wear a mask over it to prevent this.
The bike: The frame was destroyed, the groupset had to be sent back to Sram so they could fix it, the front wheel is gone too. Even the top cap and the fork expander were destroyed. I can hardly believe I was sitting on this thing when the crash happened, it looks like it went under a steamroller... I also find it hard to understand how the bike and I ended up in this state when the whole city is supposed to be limited to 30km/h…
Insurance: Fortunately, I live in France, where the Badinter Law provides a very protective scheme for cyclists involved in an accident with a motorized vehicle. Meaning that my bike an all my medical needs will be covered, even if I was the one at fault.
MAY 2024 - NECESSARY “UPGRADES”.
I had to adjust a few things on my bikes so I could keep using them. I had to install a way smaller chainring and brakes, because I’m still quite weak, especially my legs.
JUNE 2024 UPDATE:
I have been riding my bikes at least once a week for the past three months.
BUT, I somehow managed to get hit by cars again, TWICE!! It happened with my Cinelli that is now equiped with a brake…
It was both times the driver’s fault… I had both times the right of way, the green light, in broad daylight, riding on the bike lane… There was nothing I could do to avoid them, apart from staying at home. I mean, It’s not so easy to avoid a car coming straight at you.
I just feel like a moving target now, more than I used to, I feel like everything around me wants to kill me…
The first driver admitted his mistake before I even had the time to stand back up, but the second one tried to turn the situation around by saying that I ran the red light, which I absolutely didn’t, while I was still lying on the ground struggling to get back up… The fact that he tried to confuse me and turn the situation around was even more upsetting than the accident itself…
Those two new accident make me think even more about the crash from 2023, and what I have been told about it, because they seem so similar…
AUGUST 2024 UPDATE #1:
I found some old pictures of me in 2016, where I attended a costume party dressed as an injured cyclist who had been hit by a car, because I was SURE it would happen to me one day if I kept using them. I was very uninspired that day, so I went for an “easy” option, something that was likely to happen at some point in my life. I even managed to take a photo with a “twisted eye”.
Everything turned out to be accurate 7 years later, even for the eye, which is now very close to this…
AUGUST 2024 UPDATE #2:
Today I felt like riding brakeless again, so I carefully removed it and threw it in the bin.
Riding with or without a brake isn't a big deal to be honest, but as I used to ride without one since many years, it felt good to be back in this state.
It's a small step back to a normal life.
YEAR 1 UPDATE
OCTOBER 10 2024A full year has passed since the accident, and I still haven’t finished working on this book, so here’s an update on my current situation.
The accident happened on October 10, 2023, and a year later to the day, on October 10, 2024,
I finally started to work on the new bike that will replace the first, which is a new edition of the same frame that the Salsa team kindly sent me after learning what had happened ♥
It took me a whole year to start building it, simply for financial reasons. The total cost of the first one was around $4000, and I simply couldn’t spend that much money a second time so quickly… So, thanks again to Salsa for helping me with this.
In the end, apart from the frame, the front wheel and the crankset, almost everything is from the old one. Most parts were in a better shape than what I initially thought. The groupset and wheels were sent back to Sram so they could get checked and repaired. The rear wheel was simply trued, but the front one had to be replaced. The rest of the groupset and components were only slightly scratched, but doing fine, so they are now on this new bike.
Thanks also to the mysterious benefactor who sent me a Sram Force carbon crankset, simply to help me get back on a bike, without asking for anything in return. An incredibly kind gesture that I’ll never forget.
It’s a strange feeling to wait all this time and work for many hours building a new bike, which will eventually be exactly the same as the one you already owned before…
Health-wise, I’m recovering quite well. My right eye is still partially unusable, and my legs are still weak, but other than that I’m fine.
